Thursday, June 19, 2008

My Wish

This is something I have been wanting to share for more than six months now. Without making myself cry (which happens pretty easy these days) let me attempt to give you a bit of my heart behind this song.

Easter morning, 1986, UCLA Medical Center
Aunt Alice comes in and let's my Grandma & I know that my Daddy has just gone home to be with the Lord. I'm looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, wearing one of my Daddy's favorite sweaters, and although I'm only 11 years old, I know my life has just changed, in a very big way. I'm not an orphan by any means, among a very loving and close-nit family, my Mom is in the hospital room grieving the loss of her husband, best friend, and high-school sweetheart.

22 Years Later; March 2008
We're having a baby boy! Without hesitation Cam says, well, we have a middle name for our boy, Timothy. What a wonderful husband I have, without any thought of himself or his own Dad, he knows I have always intended to use my Daddy's name as my first born sons middle name. I heave a huge sigh of relief, thankfulness, and a bit of sorrow too.

It's been hard with each pregnancy, knowing my Daddy wasn't going to be there after the birth to hold and love his grandchildren. But now, now I'm having a boy. A little boy that will bear his name and prayerfully a small bit of him too. Needless to say, this pregnancy, knowing that we are having a boy (as appose to not knowing what we are having, which is what we did with the girls pregnancies) has been tough on my emotions.

This past Christmas Cam got me a Rascal Flatts CD that has a song called "My Wish". When I first heard the song, and pretty much every time since, I am moved to tears. My thought was "I sure hope Cami or Caylee will let me encourage them to use this song as their Father/Daughter dance on their wedding day." But then I thought, why can't this be a song for my Daddy and I? I see no reason why not. Just because we can't share a dance, I would like to think that it says everything my Daddy would wish for me. Although I only had my Daddy a short time, I have never doubted that he loved me, with his whole being and I also know that he loved being a my Dad.

Now what I had planned to do was create a slide show of my Daddy and I to play while you listen to the song, but I changed my mind. I just want you to hear the words. I don't expect them to touch you in the same way they have touched me, but I think it's a beautiful song and hope you enjoy it for your own reasons.


9 comments:

The Harrison's said...

I love you so much. Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart so honestly and eloquently. The song is beautiful; it had me in tears.

AmyInKy said...

My husband was only 9 when he lost his father to a heart attack. Our boys middle names are his first and middle names. Thank you for sharing your story. I love your "daddy/daughter" song. :) God bless.

carrie*postma said...

precious. You are an amazing person and I am incredibly blessed to call you, Sis.

blondegrrlie said...

I love this song too! It is such a powerful song! Thanks for sharing your story. I love your new pic on your header too! Ya'all look so cute together!!

JoyNJesus said...

THat is so sweet! The words of that song are great! Your new banner is great too! I can't wait to see more pics.

Laura said...

Thanks for sharing your heart and giving me a good cry.

Mary said...

I have heard this song, its a truly touching one. Thanks Jess for pouring your heart out.

MamaHoneybee said...

Jess, I too have a song for each of my pregnancy's. If you feel this song belongs to your son, I think you should dance with him when he gets married.

Amy said...

What a great and tender story about this great song.